Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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