The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
