Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
