K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
