omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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