I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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