you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
