so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
