she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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