She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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