My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
