So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
