My sheets look like a crime scene.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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