I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
