Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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