apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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