Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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