I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
