Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
