So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
