Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
