Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
