All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
