so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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