:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
