When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
