Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
