If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
