do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
