I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
