omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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