and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
