Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
