Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
