Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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