new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
