Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
