I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
