i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
