yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
