We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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