I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The uberlube is also flammable
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
