Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Randomize
