We got so high we made milksteak
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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