i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
