I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
