Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
