Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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