i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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