I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
