i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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