you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
