his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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