he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
