Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
