You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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