that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
