Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize