a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
