Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
