she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
