WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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