Umm I'm too high to move.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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