Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
