I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
