she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize