I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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