just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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