I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the condom got lost in my hair
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
