Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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