we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
