If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
