I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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