I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
