I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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