The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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